Before I Blame Myself And Feel Guilty

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Introduction & Theoretical Background

Survivors of trauma often feel inappropriate guilt or shame about things they did or did not do. The psychologist Edward Kubany and colleagues have noted that survivors of trauma often distort their roles in their trauma in characteristic ways, with the result that they feel inappropriate guilt. They identify four kinds of distortion:

  • Exaggerating the degree to which they were responsible for causing trauma-related outcomes
  • Believing that their actions were less justified than an unbiased observer would believe to be the case
  • Concluding that they were guilty of wrongdoing even if their actions were consistent with their values
  • Concluding that they 'knew' an event would happen before it was possible to 'know'

Before I Blame Myself And Feel Guilty is a checklist detailing the cognitive distortions which result in post-traumatic guilt. It can be used to identify troublesome cognitions held by traumatized clients, or to guide a conversation around post-traumatic guilt.

Therapist Guidance

References and further reading.

  • Kubany, E. S., & Manke, F. P. (1995). Cognitive therapy for trauma-related guilt: Conceptual bases and treatment outlines. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice , 2, 23-61.
  • Kubany, E. S., & Ralston, T. C. (1998). Cognitive therapy for trauma-related guilt. Cognitive-behavioral therapies for trauma , 124-161.
  • Kubany, E. S., & Ralston, T. (2008). Treating PTSD in battered women: A step-by-step manual for therapists and counselors . New Harbinger Publications.
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Article • 12 min read

Dealing With Guilt

Gaining positive outcomes from negative emotions.

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Are you feeling guilty about something?

Maybe you made a less than complimentary comment about one team member to another. Or perhaps you're torn between the needs of home and work, and fear that you're not giving enough time or attention to either.

No matter the situation, guilt can be a terrible burden to bear. If not dealt with, it can gnaw at you, and drag you down. You might even avoid others in an attempt to hide your guilt, or act irrationally because of how you feel.

But guilt can also be a very useful emotion. At its most constructive, according to  research , it reminds you that you can do better in the future. Experiencing it also shows that you have moral and ethical standards, and empathy.

Sometimes, though, we feel guilt unreasonably, for things that just aren't our fault. This can be damaging if left unchecked. This article talks you through the different kinds of guilt, and explains how to deal with them.

Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Guilt is the emotion we feel if we let ourselves or others down by failing to meet a particular standard. This standard may be widely acknowledged (missing a deadline and delaying a project, say). It can also be self-imposed: a personal perception that you haven't lived up to your values .

Broadly speaking, there are two kinds of guilt: "healthy" and "unhealthy." Whenever you experience guilt, it's important to recognize which kind you're dealing with. Then you can take appropriate steps to tackle it.

Watch our video to learn how to deal with guilt. See the transcript here .

Recognizing Healthy Guilt

Healthy guilt is proportionate or rational. It's the negative feeling you get when you know that you behaved inappropriately.

You'll experience healthy guilt when you hurt someone or cause a problem that you could have avoided. The guilt is telling you to make amends and to change your behavior.

Experiencing Unhealthy Guilt

Unhealthy guilt is disproportionate, misplaced and irrational. This is where you feel guilty about something, but you're not really to blame, or have no actual control over the situation.

Imagine a friend suffers a serious career setback at the same time as you get a promotion. Despite the joy you feel for your own success, you feel bad for them, and guilty about your own happiness. This guilt isn't rational or healthy, because you can't control the circumstances which have brought it about. It helps no one – and you've done nothing wrong!

An extreme case is "survivor guilt." For example, with the sudden loss of jobs due to COVID-19, some people still working may be feeling survivor guilt.

There's rarely an obvious remedy for unhealthy guilt, because there's little that you can do to improve the situation. The key is to work on your mindset instead.

How to Handle Healthy Guilt

Feeling guilty for doing something bad may be unpleasant. However, when it does occur, you can use it as a springboard to improve your relationships and to inspire personal growth.

Try these tips for managing healthy guilt:

Acknowledge and Apologize

If what you feel guilty for affects another person,  say sorry straight away, and make your apology unconditional. Don't try to justify your actions or shift blame to other people, even if they were involved. Just acknowledge the anger, frustration or pain that you've caused.

Simply getting the issue out into the open like this can do a lot to rectify the situation. You may even find that the person is already "over it." But, if the person you've hurt doesn't immediately accept your apology, you have at least acknowledged and taken responsibility for your actions.

Make Amends Quickly

Find a way to put the situation right , and do it as soon as possible. Delaying this step and allowing even healthy feelings of guilt to build up, can lead to anxiety for you, and doesn't do anything to end the pain for the other person.

Make your actions useful to the person you're making amends to. For example, if you forgot to do something important which left a colleague with extra work, offer to tell their manager that you were to blame. Then help out with the work. This will be more valuable than offering to take them out to lunch.

Change Your Behavior

The behavior that makes you feel guilty may be a one-off action, such as saying something insensitive. Or it might be something you do frequently, like poor record-keeping, which causes your colleagues recurring problems.

It's important to take the initiative and address the problem behavior. This could involve anything from improving your time-management or delegation skills, to building a better work-life balance and tackling bad habits .

Making positive changes will improve your interactions with others and help prevent repeated feelings of guilt. Try approaching your manager for help with behaviors you'd like to address, as they may be able to offer training or advice.

Accept and Move On

If you've done everything that you possibly can to make amends, and to prevent the same situation from happening again, let the guilt go. The sooner you put your guilt behind you, the sooner you can focus on more productive activity. Mindfulness can be useful in accepting your feelings and beginning the process of self-forgiveness.

You can also use your experiences to develop Emotional Intelligence . This can help you to understand and regulate your own emotions, so that you can manage your guilt appropriately.

If you struggle to move on, adopt the same approach you'd use with a friend. Odds are, if they apologized for their actions, you'd accept the apology and move on. Treat yourself with the same compassion – otherwise you risk tipping into unhealthy guilt.

How to Deal With Unhealthy Guilt

Unhealthy guilt has none of the benefits that healthy guilt can bring, and it can be hard to overcome. With the right strategies, however, it is possible to manage your feelings and to achieve a more balanced perspective.

Be Realistic About What You Can Control

Start by listing what you can honestly control about a situation. Then list the things that you can't. Keep in mind that you are only responsible for your actions, not for what others think or do. If your second list is longer, your guilt is likely unfounded and unproductive.

Disregard the things that you can't control. Focus on the elements of the situation that you  can  do something about. And, where appropriate, create a plan to address these. We touched on survivor guilt earlier in this article – and it's likely many people will be familiar with it, with millions globally losing their jobs due to COVID-19.

It's fine to recognize your luck at "surviving" and to feel empathy for others. But you should also acknowledge that feeling guilty about it can be a burden. However, simply trying to snap out of it and move on is being dishonest about your own feelings.

Instead, harness the power of the emotions behind the guilt to do something positive in response. This will bring a sense of control at a time of otherwise feeling powerless. Our article on the Control Influence Accept Model can be useful here.

For example, you could help someone by not avoiding them out of embarrassment, or by spending time listening, and acknowledging their situation. You can make a difference just by asking someone what they want or need.

Whether or not you help anyone else, you can also choose to "seize the day" and make the best of your "luck" – by doing the best job that you can. Finding purpose in the wake of a bad situation turns survivor guilt into gratitude and action.

Use Affirmations

You can combat constant or repetitive unjustified feelings of guilt by quieting negative self-talk , and seeking other people's opinions for an objective viewpoint. Follow this up by using affirmations to drive home the point that the situation really isn't your fault.

Having established the parts of the situation that you can and can't control, address them with a simple affirmative statement. For example, "I got the promotion ahead of Kyle because I had a better mix of skills and experience," instead of, "I got the promotion ahead of Kyle even though he's been here longer, so I must have been pushy and over-ambitious."

A useful affirmation for a broad range of situations could be, "I did the best I could, with the knowledge I had."

Challenge Perfectionism

You might feel guilty because you hold yourself to unrealistically high standards. This can result in guilty thoughts about what you haven't done, or haven't done well enough, even if they're not your responsibility. At the same time, you completely overlook what you have done well.

Take time out to reflect and challenge your perfectionist behaviors to refocus your standards more realistically. And remember – nobody is perfect!

Be Assertive

It's possible that you feel guilty about a situation because someone else is unaware of the unrealistic pressures that they are putting on you.

Or a person may be purposely manipulating you to make you feel guilty in order to control your behavior. Some people are particularly good at spotting when their co-workers are feeling guilty about something and leveraging this.

Consider the manager who continually asks team members to work long hours "for the good of the team" – and subtly suggests that anyone seeking a good work-life balance is "not a team player." This may trigger guilt, with no good reason behind it.

Stand up for yourself in these situations and, if you're certain that you're not in the wrong, get your message across confidently and assertively .

The negative thinking associated with unhealthy guilt can stem from conditions such as depression, burnout or OCD, and cause severe health problems.

The techniques in this article can have a positive effect on reducing unhealthy guilt, but they are for guidance only. Always take the advice of qualified health professionals if you have concerns over related illnesses, or if constant feelings of guilt are causing significant or persistent unhappiness.

Guilt causes stress and reduces workplace effectiveness. If not addressed, it can seriously hinder relationships and contribute to psychological problems.

There are two main types of guilt. Healthy guilt involves accepting that you've done wrong, and using it as a prompt to improve your relationships and behaviors by:

  • Apologizing.
  • Making amends.
  • Changing your behavior.
  • Accepting your faults and moving on.

Unhealthy guilt is when you feel guilty for things that are imaginary or beyond your control. It can be hard to shift, but you can manage your feelings by:

  • Understanding what you can and can't control.
  • Challenging your own standards.
  • Affirming the positive aspects of the situation.
  • Being assertive with those who seek to make you feel guilty.

Johnson, D. (2015). 'Emotions and Sensemaking: How Anger, Guilt, and Emotion Regulation Impact Ethical Decision Making,' SHAREOK. (Available here .)

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Shame Resilience Theory: Advice From Brené Brown

Shame Resilience Theory: How to Overcome Feelings of Shame

It is part of what it means to be human, influencing who we are and how we behave (Brown, 2007).

And yet most of us don’t want to talk about it; we fear and avoid shame because it leaves us feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable.

But that’s a problem. “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable,” writes researcher, psychology professor, and bestselling author Brené Brown (2015, p. 58). Ignored and avoided, it’s become a silent epidemic, spreading fear and encouraging negative behavior and thinking.

This article explores Brown’s influential work on shame and how to build the resilience needed to move through it.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Resilience Exercises for free . These engaging, science-based exercises will help you effectively deal with difficult circumstances and give you the tools to improve the resilience of your clients, students, or employees.

This Article Contains:

What is shame resilience theory, brené brown’s take on shame and vulnerability, 4 elements of shame resilience, overcoming and dealing with shame, therapy to improve shame resilience, shame and vulnerability: how to build resilience, positivepsychology.com’s resilience resources, a take-home message.

Brené Brown has been researching shame for more than two decades. When she began, she was told that the subject was too difficult and that it would mark the end of her promising career. And yet, she persisted, and she was right to do so (Brown, 2006, 2007).

Her work has led to the following pivotal definition of shame. It is precise, yet widely applicable to the experiences of most of us (Brown, 2021, p. 137):

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”

In Atlas of the Heart , Brené Brown (2021) outlines the three pillars of shame, the result of years of research, her own and others.

  • We all experience shame. It is universal. It is a primitive emotion shared by everyone unless they completely lack empathy or the capacity for human connection.
  • It’s not easy to talk about shame. Even mentioning the word “shame” can lead to an experience of the emotion and evoke a strong sense of fear.
  • Talking about shame brings a sense of control. That control gives us the strength to overcome our feelings and move forward with our lives.

In fact, when the topic of shame enters the conversation, we often find ourselves at a loss to know what it is, or if we understand it, then we most likely don’t want to talk about it (Brown, 2021).

So, if “shame is all about fear, what is its cause?” asks Brown (2007, p. 20).

Well, while it is fueled by our sense of being trapped within such feelings, it is also the result of unrealistic expectations (think of negative body image and the troubling impact of social media), worries regarding disconnection from others, and an impossible mix of contrary choices (“Be yourself. Be perfect. Look good. Be fun.”).

Listening to shame

Brown spoke about shame as an unspoken epidemic in her hugely popular TEDx video, Listening to Shame , offering the wonderful quote, “Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena.”

The price of invulnerability: Brené Brown at TEDxKC

In another TEDx talk, The Price of Invulnerability , Brown describes how “vulnerability is absolutely at the core of fear, and anxiety, and shame, and very difficult emotions that we all experience” and provides a great lead-in to her theory of shame.

So how do we overcome fear and avoid becoming trapped in a web of shame?

Shame resilience theory

We are all capable of overcoming shame through building shame resilience. And according to Brown’s (2007) shame resilience theory (SRT), we can learn and develop the following:

  • Capacity to recognize our experiences of shame
  • Ability to move through shame constructively, maintaining our authenticity and growing from our experiences
  • Stronger, more meaningful connections with people in our lives

As Brown (2007, p. 32) points out, shame resilience is not all or nothing, present or absent, but a continuum between shame (fear, blame, and disconnection) and empathy (courage, compassion, and connection).

Shame Resilience Therapy Model

The answers they gave recognized that “empathy creates a hostile environment for shame–it can’t survive” (Brown, 2007, p. 32). They went on to say that by sharing their experience of shame with others who expressed empathy , they were able to move forward. Empathy is central; we need to hear and feel someone saying:

I get it; I’ve felt the same way. What you are feeling is normal. It’s OK I understand what you are going through.

And according to Brown’s SRT, such empathetic words must be backed up by the listener being fully engaged and present when the speaker tells their story.

Ashamed

The following examples confirm that, most often, shame is associated with a past or a present that we had little or no control over (Brown, 2021, p. 136):

  • “Shame is my husband leaving me for my next-door neighbor.”
  • “Shame is infertility.”
  • “Shame is flunking out of school. Twice.”
  • “Shame is hiding the fact that I’m in recovery.”
  • “Shame is bankruptcy.”

And the list goes on and on. And there will always be statements and beliefs that resonate with us, holding us in their grip. Shame and fear often walk together hand in hand (Brown, 2007).

The fire of shame is fed by silence, judgment, and secrecy; left to burn, it can damage all aspects of our lives. And yet, it doesn’t have to be this way; empathy has the potential to put out the flames, turn down the heat, and stop throwing fuel on the fire (Brown, 2021).

What does it mean to be vulnerable?

Vulnerability should not be confused or conflated with disclosure or emotional purging, writes Brown. She adds that believing that “vulnerability is weakness is believing that feeling is weakness” (Brown, 2018, p. 42). Instead, vulnerability is the cornerstone of courage, resilience, and problem-solving .

And for Brown (2007), recognizing vulnerability is far from a weakness; it is part of identifying and understanding our shame triggers. If I acknowledge that being a good parent is really important to who I am but also a vulnerability issue for me, it does not mean my shame around the issue will grow. Instead, we can use what we are feeling to seek out and utilize support – rather than letting it become a shame trigger .

The power of vulnerability

Brown’s TEDx talk The Power of Vulnerability  has been watched by over 58 million people and offers excellent insight into the concept of vulnerability as the cornerstone of shame but also its potential for belonging, joy, and love.

Research by Brown (2007, 2021) and colleagues into SRT identified that those able to move through shame (toward empathy) all shared the following four elements of shame resilience.

Recognizing shame and understanding its triggers

We must learn to recognize physically when we are in the grip of shame so that we can name it and find our way through it.

Often obscured by other painful and difficult emotions, such as blame and fear, triggers can go unnoticed, causing us to react in inauthentic ways that only serve to exacerbate our shame.

Practicing critical awareness

The messages and expectations driving shame are likely unrealistic, unattainable, and not what you want to be or what others wish for you.

While awareness is about knowing that something exists, critical awareness is when you understand why it exists, how it works, and its impacts.

Reaching out

Are we truly connecting with and owning our story? If not, we can’t experience empathy.

Connection is a vital aspect of shame resilience, enabling us to feel valued, affirmed, and accepted. “When we feel worthless, rejected and unworthy of belonging, we feel shame” (Brown, 2007, p. 127).

Speaking shame

When we feel shame, we must learn to ask for what we need. Failing to speak, keeping it secret, and experiencing judgment are fanning the flame. After all, when we can’t find the right words or don’t have the right opportunity and audience, we are left alone with our fears; we shut down and accept our lot.

Shame is a trap we often fail to recognize as we enter or while in it; taken by surprise, we may not be sure how we got there or how to get out. The four elements above can help us become more aware of, better at avoiding, and more empowered to escape it (Brown, 2007).

Dealing with shame

Shame thrives when we feel most alone – cut off, separate, and different from those closest to us. Shame happens in the gaps between people; when separation is removed or lessened, the feeling loses its power over us.

Using self-compassion to overcome shame

Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion is helpful in learning how to better connect with others and reduce the opportunity for shame to take hold. Brown (2021) suggests using Neff’s three elements to improve self-compassion.

Practice self-kindness over self-judgment

Developing self-kindness includes becoming more understanding and forgiving with ourselves when we perceive our failures and inadequacies. Instead of being hard on ourselves, self-compassion involves recognizing we are imperfect and that the obstacles we face in life are inevitable.

Practice common humanity over isolation

Suffering and feelings of shame and personal inadequacy are universal among humans. We can benefit ourselves and those around us by recognizing that this is something we all go through – a shared experience.

Practice mindfulness rather than over-identification

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Therapy can be helpful for anyone who identifies that shame is negatively impacting their own lives and those of others around them, or those who find themselves stuck and unable to move forward (Brown, 2007, 2021).

Specifically, therapy aligned with SRT helps clients interpret their reaction to shame, its triggers, and how they can connect better with others, reducing fear and increasing empathy.

In fact, “shame is a common emotion that contributes to many problems that bring clients in therapy,” and addressing shame in therapy can help with multiple psychological difficulties (Dearing & Tangney, 2011, p. 3).

Recent studies exploring the use of SRT in therapy have shown significant improvements in symptoms of depression following interventions to increase empathy and reduce shame (Alvarez, 2020).

Empathy

  • Learn to recognize and understand your shame triggers.
  • Develop high levels of critical awareness about your web of shame.
  • Be willing to reach out to others.
  • Become able to speak about shame.

The following exercises can help address the four elements and teach us to move through shame. They can be self-administered or used with clients.

Learning to recognize our physical reaction to shame

Take some time to reflect on each of the following questions and gain a greater understanding of your physical reaction to shame (Brown, 2007).

  • Where do you physically feel shame (for example, stomach, head, shoulders, etc.)?
  • How does it feel (for example, butterflies in your stomach, tense shoulders, etc.)?
  • How do you know when you are ashamed?
  • What would shame taste like?
  • What would shame smell like?
  • What would shame sound like?

Learning to recognize shame will help you gain power over it.

Identifying shame triggers

Acknowledging our vulnerabilities can help us recognize our shame triggers (Brown, 2007). Make a list for each of the following questions:

  • How would you like to be perceived (for example, strong, kind, resilient, etc.)?
  • How would you NOT like to be perceived (for example, soft, weak, unforgiving, etc.)?

Reflect on the answers to the questions and ask yourself what situations or events may challenge each one and leave you feeling shame.

For those points you would not like to be identified with, ask yourself (modified from Brown, 2007):

  • What does this perception mean to me?
  • Why is it so unwanted?
  • Where did this belief come from?

“When it comes to shame, understanding is a prerequisite for change,” says Brown (2007, p. 83).

Recognizing expectation

When we identify expectations (such as how we look, what we do, the partner we have chosen, etc.), it is vital to consider their origins. The following questions can be helpful (modified from Brown, 2007):

  • What are the associated social-community expectations?
  • Why do they exist?
  • How do they work?
  • How do they influence our society?
  • Who really benefits from them?

Once we understand where such expectations have arisen from, we can recognize that they do not control us and reject them, freeing us from shame.

We have many resources available for therapists providing support to individuals wanting to address emotional issues such as shame.

Why not download our free self-compassion pack and try out the powerful tools contained within? Some examples include:

  • Applying the Yin Yang of Self-Compassion Whereas many existing self-compassion therapeutic exercises help clients enact yin self-compassion, this tool helps clients explore and develop both yin and yang self-compassion.
  • Self-Care Vision board This exercise helps clients creatively increase self-care and self-compassion using a self-care vision board.

Other free resources include:

  • Guilt and Shame Emotions That Drive Depression This worksheet helps break the cycle of shame and depression through reflection on guilty thoughts.
  • Letter of Self-compassion Writing a letter of self-compassion can prompt us to be more forgiving and refocus our thinking on being kind to ourselves.

More extensive versions of the following tools are available with a subscription to the Positive Psychology Toolkit© , but they are described briefly below:

  • Fierce Self-Compassion Break This powerful exercise helps clients explore the difference between self-compassion that is tender and gentle versus self-compassion that is fierce and protective. It can help them manifest self-compassion in a way that is empowering, protective, and provides clarity in times of need.
  • Window of Tolerance Therapeutic change often depends on widening what psychology refers to as the window of tolerance (WOT). We can have multiple WOTs throughout the day, depending on what we are doing and how we feel.

This exercise helps clients recognize their WOTs, the signs of when it begins to narrow, and how to stay within it.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others overcome adversity, check out this collection of 17 validated resilience and coping exercises . Use them to help others recover from personal challenges and turn setbacks into opportunities for growth.

The web of shame is something with which we should all be familiar. It doesn’t just arise from significant events, incidents, or failures; it exists in our day-to-day lives.

However, shame triggers are often invisible, found in the fabric of society, the workplace, education, and even our families. While not always intended to harm, they can lead to a sense of being trapped in shame and persistent feelings of fear associated with moving forward.

Brené Brown offers us a route out. When we can recognize the catalyst of our shame, create authentic connections built on empathy, and tell our story, we can emancipate ourselves. We can learn to redress the balance, from shame on one side to empathy on the other, showing ourselves and others kindness and compassion and allowing ourselves to become vulnerable.

Ultimately, empathy creates an environment that is hostile to shame, causing it annoyance and discomfort, rather than offering sustenance and room for growth. While we may not have control over the circumstances that led to these feelings, we can manage and overcome their effect on us.

Why not check out Brown’s TEDx videos embedded within the article and her books to better understand and overcome your own or your clients’ shame?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Resilience Exercises for free .

  • Alvarez, D. V. (2020). Using shame resilience to decrease depressive symptoms in an adult intensive outpatient population. Perspectives in Psychiatric Care , 56 (2), 363–370.
  • Brown, B. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society-The Journal of Contemporary Social Services , 87 (1), 43–52.
  • Brown, B. (2007). I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): Telling the truth about perfectionism, inadequacy, and power . Gotham Books.
  • Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead . Avery.
  • Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts . Vermilion.
  • Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart . Vermilion.
  • Dearing, R. L., & Tangney, J. (2011). Shame in the therapy hour . American Psychological Association.

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What our readers think.

SHEY CLO

BRENE BROWN’S works remain inspiring to me most especially because as an individual, I battle daily with shame but right now I believe, they will be a change.

R

It would be great if there were a pdf so I could print this off. Like a printer friendly version.

Jeff Nelson, LCSW

As a child, I knew I was ‘different’ but didn’t know what it was. My peers and even adults in my life, gave me the message that something was terribly wrong with me. I would come to see later, that it was being gay that gave those around me permission to bully me and ostracize me, even within my family of origin. Shame was my constant companion and praying it away, contemplating suicide daily, praying for cancer during adolescence, marrying a woman… didn’t take it away. In my late 30’s, I earned my BSW and then my MSW and have created a very successful private practice, using compassion for self as a foundation of the treatment approaches I use. Meeting Dr. Brown several years ago was a highlight of my career. Her work has wrapped so much understanding about my own experience and why what I offer as a clinician, resonates so much for those who are suffering. Thank you to Dr. Brown and all those who are using SRT!

Lucinda Allen

Thank you for sharing your story, Jeff. It’s inspiring that you were able to overcome these hurdles and are now helping others with your work! 🙂

ThankGod

Thank u so much for this great work!pls can u lead me to other resilience theories am working on a study on resilience

Nicole Celestine

Hi ThankGod,

For a good summary of theories on resilience, check out this paper by Ledesma (2014).

Hope this helps!

– Nicole | Community Manager

DR.JOYDEV MONDAL

I want to know about the child counseling in various social and family problems in modern life. THANKS.

Angel

Hey, As Brené’s research shows and a point which she emphasises is the vast difference between shame and guilt. Shame is “I am bad”, where guilt is “I did something bad”. Shame is focused on me as a person, and guilt is focused on behaviour. It’s very important to make that distinction. Thank you for helping spread this important work! Cheers

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Table of Contents

Shame and Guilt Therapy Worksheet

therapy worksheets guilt

The contents of this article are fact-based except otherwise stated within the article.

Dr Sabina Alispahic, PhD, is a psychologist and gestalt psychotherapist with expertise in clinical and health psychology. 

Dr Sabina Alispahic’s Highlights:

  • Associate Professor at the University of Sarajevo for the past 12 years
  • PhD in psychology at the University of Zagreb
  • European Certificate of Psychotherapy

Professional experience

Dr Alispahic pioneered innovative teaching methods as an associate professor of clinical and health psychology, inspiring a new generation of mental health professionals while contributing to the field for over 12 years. Also, she empowered individuals across the globe as an online psychotherapist, delivering life-changing therapy and earning a reputation for compassionate care and exceptional results. She has demonstrated expertise in a range of therapeutic approaches (CBT, ACT, Gestalt, mindfulness, and family constellations).

Certifications

European Certificate of Psychotherapy (Education in Gestalt Psychotherapy Training of the Malta Institute)

Eight-week stress reduction mindfulness programme, Society of Psychologists in the Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina

2009-2013 University of Zagreb, Faculty of Philosophy, Postgraduate Doctoral Studies in Psychology

2004-2008 University of Sarajevo, Faculty of Philosophy, Master Studies, Department of Psychology

Publications

Alispahic. S. (2021). Selected topics from psychotherapy Sarajevo: TDP.

Alispahic. S. (2020). Online psychotherapy. Handbook for psychotherapists and clients Sarajevo: TDP.

Alispahic, S., and Godinjak, A. (2018). (R)evolution of the doctor-patient relationship. Sarajevo: TDP.

Alispahic, S. (2016). The psychology of pain Sarajevo: Faculty of Philosophy (e-publication, Bosnian language): https://ebooks.ff.unsa.ba/index.php/ebooks_ffunsa/catalog/book/29

Book chapters

Alispahic, S. (2018). Psychological Theory and Therapy of Traumatic Memory In: A. Hamburger (ur.), Trauma, Trust, and Memory: Social Trauma and Reconciliation in Psychoanalysis, Psychotherapy, and Cultural Memory, 23-35. London and New York: Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.

Link: https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781003076247-4/psychological-theory-therapy-traumatic-memory-sabina-alispahić

Markovic Pavlovic, M., Alispahic, S., and Dautbegovic, A. (2015). Psychology of Nonkilling in Bosnia-Herzegovina. Knowledge and Attitudes of Students Towards Nonkilling Culture. In: R. Bahtijaragic i J. E. Pim (ur.), Nonkilling Balkans, 171-183. Honolulu: Centre for Global Nonkilling, and Sarajevo: Faculty of Philosophy.

Link: http://nonkilling.org/pdf/nkbalkans.pdf

Alispahic, S., & Alispahic, B. (2021). Definition of police psychology: The role of psychologists in the police. Technium Soc. Sci. J., 17 , 235-244.

Link: https://techniumscience.com/index.php/socialsciences/article/view/2678

Alispahic, S., Hasanbegovic-Anic, E., & Tuce, Đ. (2021). Big Five Personality Traits as Predictors of Mindfulness: A Study on a Bosnian Sample. Epiphany , 14 (1), 146-155.

Link: http://epiphany.ius.edu.ba/index.php/epiphany/article/view/357

Alispahic, S. & Hodžić Küreç, A. (2021). How does yoga affect health?  Yoga teachers’ experiences. International Scientific Journal of Kinesiology, Vol. 12 , 2, 135-140. 

Link: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sabina-Alispahic/publication/349140097_How_does_yoga_affect_health_Yoga_teachers_experiences/links/60226c87a6fdcc37a812def3/How-does-yoga-affect-health-Yoga-teachers-experiences.pdf

Hasanbegovic-Anic, E., Sandic, A., and Alispahic, S. (2018). Prevention of substance abuse in children and adolescents: an evidence-based practice approach. Epiphany , 11 (1), 11-30. 

Link: http://epiphany.ius.edu.ba/index.php/epiphany/article/view/280

Alispahic, S. and Hasanbegovic-Anic, E. (2017). Mindfulness: Age and Gender Differences in a Bosnian Sample. Psychological Thought, Vol. 10 (1), 155–166. 

Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/316560770_Mindfulness_Age_and_Gender_Differences_on_a_Bosnian_Sample

Hadziahmetovic, N., Alispahic, S., Tuce, Đ., i Hasanbegovic-Anic, E. (2016). Therapist interpersonal style and therapy benefit as determinants of client personality self-reports in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Vojnosanit Pregl, 73 (2): 135–145. 

Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288178501_Therapist%27s_interpersonal_style_and_therapy_benefit_as_the_determinants_of_personality_self-reports_in_clients

Alispahic, S., Hasanbegovic-Anic, E., Tuce, Đ., Hadziahmetovic, N., Sandic, A. (2014). Characteristics of Patients Involved in Psychotherapy in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Journal of Health Sciences , 4 (1): 4-6. 

Link: https://www.jhsci.ba/ojs/index.php/jhsci/article/view/142

Alispahic, S. (2013). Motivational function of plans and goals. Psychological Thought, Vol. 6 (2), 96–203.

Link: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258225796_Motivational_Function_of_Plans_and_Goals

Professional profiles

ResearchGate: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sabina-Alispahic

Google Scholar: https://scholar.google.com/citations?hl=hr&user=TnYiVK0AAAAJ

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabina-alispahić/

Reviewer bio

What is the theory behind this Shame and Guilt Therapy Worksheet?

Guilt is a strong negative emotion that one feels when they think they did something wrong or something that goes against their values and morals. Shame is a step further from guilt and involves a deeper sense of insecurity and unworthiness relating to the self. They are not the same and an awareness about their differences can help in targeting each accordingly. 

How will the worksheet help?

This worksheet will provide information to clients about the differences between shame and guilt and what they can do to begin coping with them. It can be helpful in enhancing client’s understanding of their own emotions so that they can identify and name their feelings correctly. 

How to use the worksheet?

This worksheet can be used to educate the clients about the differences between shame and guilt so that they are better able to identify and name their emotions. Instruct them to read through the handout and revert back with any questions in the next session. 

Was this helpful?

Miceli, M., & Castelfranchi, C. (2018). Reconsidering the Differences Between Shame and Guilt. Europe’s journal of psychology, 14 (3), 710–733. 

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  6. working this one and finding it quite illuminating: downloadable blank

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COMMENTS

  1. Therapy for Guilt

    Guilt is an emotion that relates to a person's sense of right and wrong. Most people experience guilt after making a mistake or doing something they regret. The effects of guilt are often...

  2. Therapy Worksheet On Guilt (That Helps)

    What is the theory behind this Therapy worksheet on guilt? A therapist can help manage, observe and sort through guilty feelings. Most of the time, the guilt is caused by the external environment, for example, some people become the target of a social stigma that may cause them guilt because of lack of social support.

  3. CBT Guilt Worksheet

    Rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this worksheet aims to address and manage feelings of guilt by challenging distorted thoughts, promoting self-reflection, and fostering proactive behavior change. How will this worksheet help you?

  4. Guilt And Resentment Worksheet

    1.- Cardenas SA, Sanchez PY, and Kassin SM. The "partial innocence" effect: false guilty pleas to partially unethical behaviors. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2022, Aug. 1:01461672231185639. Find a supportive therapist who can help with mental health.

  5. PDF Understanding and Coping with Guilt and Shame

    1. Face the feelings of guilt. Release feelings of guilt by talking about them, sharing, confessing, getting honest 2. Learn to forgive yourself. - Do you judge yourself too harshly? 3. Examine the origins of your guilt - Is the reason that you feel guilt rational and reasonable?

  6. Before I Blame Myself And Feel Guilty

    Therapist Guidance Before I Blame Myself And Feel Guilty is a checklist detailing the cognitive distortions which result in post-traumatic guilt. It can be used to identify troublesome cognitions held by traumatized clients, or to guide a conversation around post-traumatic guilt. References And Further Reading Kubany, E. S., & Manke, F. P. (1995).

  7. Dealing With Guilt Worksheet

    Use this CBT worksheet to help clients understand and cope with feelings of guilt. Download Now! Dealing With Guilt Worksheet Guilt is an uncomfortable feeling or sense of responsibility or remorse for some action, or offense whether real or imagined.

  8. Why Shame and Guilt Are Functional For Mental Health

    One useful, generally-accepted framework distinguishes the two by saying that " [s]hame is about the self" while "guilt is about things in the real world—acts or failures to act, events for which one bears responsibility" (Lewis, 1971).

  9. Dealing With Guilt

    Guilt causes stress and reduces workplace effectiveness. If not addressed, it can seriously hinder relationships and contribute to psychological problems. There are two main types of guilt. Healthy guilt involves accepting that you've done wrong, and using it as a prompt to improve your relationships and behaviors by: Apologizing. Making amends.

  10. Therapy for Guilt

    Therapy can be helpful ... Sign up and Get Listed; ... Worksheets/Resources; Newsletter; ... Guilt is a feeling people typically have after doing something wrong, intentionally or accidentally. A ...

  11. PDF Moving Forward: Six Steps to Forgiving Yourself

    You can also read about the evidence that supports the efficacy of this workbook to alleviate feelings of guilt and shame, promote self-forgiveness, and improve your health and sense of well- being in life in the following scientific articles.

  12. Therapy Worksheets, Tools, and Handouts

    The Therapist Aid library has been updated with four new worksheets that cover relationships, money, and more. More Worksheets Worksheet Money Beliefs & Behaviors Assessment Relationship-building exercise Love Languages Assessment

  13. Forgiveness Therapy

    Our worksheet on the subject, Forgiveness Therapy, is based on a therapeutic intervention by the same name. This 5-page packet acts as an outline of forgiveness therapy, beginning with education, and then dedicating a page to each of the four phases of forgiveness (uncovering, decision, work, and deepening).

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    Seven Social Media Sins worksheet With billions of users, social media is a fixture of most people's lives. The influence of this technology is indisputable, but is it a force for good or ill? The short answer is that it can both promote or detract from well-being, depending on how it's used.

  15. PDF Coping with Guilt & Shame Introduction Coping with

    Guilt reminds us of the wrong deeds we've done, or perceived that we have done, and shame tells us that we feel embarrassed, remorseful, or even disgraced. All people feel guilt and shame in their life and both emotions can be difficult to cope with. Guilt. Guilt, a very common type of emotional distress, can be described as a feeling that ...

  16. PDF Self-Forgiveness Information Plus Worksheets

    It is usually our lack of self-forgiveness that holds us to the past, to our guilt and shame. Added to that, the fear we may still have of the other person, even if they are long gone, will also keep us trapped. We need to deal with all of these issues as part of self-forgiveness and let them go, along with the past.

  17. CBT Techniques: 25 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Worksheets

    Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Worksheets (PDFs) To Print and Use. If you're a therapist looking for ways to guide your client through treatment or a hands-on person who loves to learn by doing, there are many cognitive-behavioral therapy worksheets that can help. 1. Coping styles worksheet.

  18. Survivor's Guilt: Why It Happens & 7 Ways to Cope

    Survivor's guilt can occur when someone survives a life-threatening situation while others don't. They may feel a sense of responsibility or find themselves grappling with questions of why and how. This is especially true if they think they could've prevented or changed the outcome. 1 Counseling is a valuable tool to help survivors ...

  19. Homeworks and Handouts for Clients

    Lovingkindness Meditation Tracking Worksheet -- This worksheet guides clients to track their experiences with this beneficial, though often-times challenging, meditation. One way to help support and sustain behavior change is to track our behavior and its consequences

  20. PDF Shame and Guilt Therapy Worksheet

    Shame and Guilt Therapy Worksheet Guilt and Shame, are not the same emotions. While guilt arises from realising one has done something wrong, shame is focused on making you feel inadequate about your entire self.

  21. Letter to My Past Self

    Example 1. Dear Past Self, You were just 13 when you got caught up with the wrong group at school and started bullying others. Even after 20 years, I can still remember how scared and helpless the kids you bullied looked! Man, the guilt and shame I have over that still hurts so much!! I know you felt this at the time, but you ignored it because ...

  22. Shame Resilience Theory: Advice From Brené Brown

    Therapy can be helpful for anyone who identifies that shame is negatively impacting their own lives and those of others around them, or those who find themselves stuck and unable to move forward (Brown, 2007, 2021). ... Guilt and Shame Emotions That Drive Depression This worksheet helps break the cycle of shame and depression through reflection ...

  23. Shame And Guilt Therapy Worksheet

    This worksheet can be used to educate the clients about the differences between shame and guilt so that they are better able to identify and name their emotions. Instruct them to read through the handout and revert back with any questions in the next session. Was this helpful? References 1.- Miceli, M., & Castelfranchi, C. (2018).